Monday, June 6, 2011

Review: Hungry For Your Love

Ed. Lori Perkins, 2010, St. Martin's Griffin
Even as someone who has been quite vocal in championing la difference in zomfic, as a means of keeping the genre continually fresh and entertaining, I've never been totally comfortable with the whole zombie/romance crossover concept. It always seemed to me that, once you move past the basic idea of a human/human romance perhaps set against the backdrop of a zompocalypse (as in Amelia Beamer's The Loving Dead), then you're potentially entering either fluffy-bunny or major 'ick!' territory, neither of which floats my boat, particularly.

That said, Lori Perkins' excellent anthology, Hungry For Your Love, has pretty-much forced me to change my thinking on this point. Comprising twenty-one zombie-related tales that range all the way across the romantic spectrum - from pure Mills & Boon stuff to, as Perkins herself puts it, 'smut' - there is literally something here for everyone. The zombies, also, run the gamut, from humorous to genuinely horrifying, voodoo to Romero-esque. Such is the variety offered - almost every individual story claiming its own niche somewhere along the available spectrum - that it's pointless for me to pick out any favourites; suffice to say, this is one of the best zombie 'crossover' titles I've come across in a while, and well worth reading.

Saturday, June 4, 2011

News: Dymocks Southland Bestselling Dark Fiction Titles for May 2011

May being International Zombie Awareness Month, sales of zombie-related titles went through the roof. For this reason, our usual Top 10 list has been extended to Top 20.

1. Breathers (S. G. Browne)
2. Feed (Mira Grant)
3. Pride & Prejudice & Zombies (Austen/Graeme-Smith)
4. P&P&Z: Dreadfully Ever After (Steve Hockensmith)
5. Warm Bodies (Isaac Marion)
6. Alone #1: Chasers (James Phelan)
7. Monster Nation (David Wellington)
8. Zombie Apocalypse! (ed. Stephen Jones)
9. P&P&Z: Dawn of the Dreadfuls (Steve Hockensmith)
10. Marvel Zombies 5
11. The Zombie Combat Manual (Roger Ma)
12. The Walking Dead Compendium (Robert Kirkman)
13. Patient Zero (Jonathan Maberry)
14. The Walking Dead Book #1 (Robert Kirkman)
15. Rot & Ruin (Jonathan Maberry)
16. Xombies: Apocalypso (Walter Greatshell)
17. Flesh Eaters (Joe McKinney)
18. Zombiesque (ed. Greenberg/Antczak/Bassett)
19. Eden (Tony Monchinski)
20. The Zombie Survival Guide (Max Brooks)

New titles arriving in-store this month include Xombies: Apocalypso (Walter Greatshell), The Reapers Are the Angels (Alden Bell), and The Zombie Autopsies (Steve Schlozman).

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Review: The Reapers are the Angels

Alden Bell, 2010, Pan Macmillan Australia

Older than her years and completely alone, Temple is trying to live one day at a time in a post-apocalyptic world, where the undead roam endlessly, and the remnants of mankind seem, at times, to retain little humanity themselves. When she comes across the helpless Maury, she sets out to return him to his family in an attempt to redeem herself for some of the terrible things she's done. Meanwhile, in a world gone mad, one vengeful man has decided that the one thing that makes sense is to kill Temple...

The Reapers are the Angels is one of the most nihilistic, emotionally draining, and marvellously satisfying zombie novels of recent times. Held together by the simple, central plot of redemption and revenge, the details of Temple's tale comprise a series of seemingly disconnected vignettes describing her encounters with various people, some good, some bad, as she travels cross-country in search of Maury's kin. Bell's matter-of-fact prose and quote-less dialogue contributes strongly to a beautifully-maintained sense of a day-by-day Armageddon, a bleak joyless grind stretching out forever before our protagonists. While minor niggles include such things details as derelict suburban stores still having edible supplies on the shelves after a quarter-century, the formidable strengths of this novel absolutely make up for any such weaknesses.

Gripping, tragic, and one of the most brutally uncompromising zombie tales since Mira Grant's Feed, The Reapers are the Angels is a novel that will stay with the reader long after the final page is turned, and should be considered an instant classic of the genre.

Review: Chanbara Beauty

Dir. Yohei Fukuda, 2008, Madman Entertainment

Bikini-clad samurai chick, Aya, roams a chaotic and desolate future world where the streets are filled with zombies. In search of her sister, she meets a mysterious gun-toting leather outlaw named Reiko. Teaming up, they take on the marauding hordes of zombies - and their evil creator - in an all-out war.

Based upon the cult electronic game Onechanbara, Chanbara Beauty is a typically Asian piece of cinematic silliness: hot chicks in fantasy outfits, over-the-top violence and bloodshed, superhuman stunts, and plenty of mid-action flashbacks substituting for actual plot or character development. That last comment isn't to suggest that Chanbara Beauty isn't an enjoyable movie - it's actually quite entertaining, and (curse my sexist soul) Eri Otoguro, playing Aya, is very easy on the eye - but viewers are advised to disengage their brains a little in order to get the most out of the experience. While there's relatively little in the way of zombie content overall, the occasional frenetic samurai-chick-against-the-horde action scenes do compensate somewhat. Worth watching on your next 'B-grade movies with friends, pizza and beer' night.

Monday, May 16, 2011

News: Jason Fischer Debut Collection Due

As our regular readers would be aware, we at NecroScope are huge fans of Jason Fischer, one of Australia's premiere zombie authors; so the following press release from Ticonderoga Publications is a source of great excitement to us...  
Press Release
Ticonderoga Publications is proud to announce the forthcoming publication of a collection of stories by the writer of the future Jason Fischer.

 Adelaide-based Fischer is a Clarion South graduate and recent winner of the Writers of the Future competition.

The collection is titled Everything is a Graveyard, and is scheduled for publication in late 2013. The exact contents are still to be finalised.

The collection will revolve around Fischer’s critically acclaimed post-apocalyptic and zombie-themed work. Everything is a Graveyard will also include new stories original to the collection.

“Jason Fischer taps into the darker sides of human nature like few other writers,” Ticonderoga Editor Russell B. Farr said. “His work blends raw emotion with an honest sense of mortality.”

The collection is scheduled for publication in October 2013. The collection will be available in limited edition hardcover, ebook and trade editions.
You can be sure that NecroScope will be keeping you up to date with the publication of this collection, so stay tuned!

Review: Zombies: The Recent Dead

Ed. Paula Guran, 2010, Prime Books

Zombies: The Recent Dead is a reprint anthology comprising twenty-three 'new millennial' zombie stories by many current heavyweights of the zombie and horror genres. While a number of the tales may now be overly-familiar to zombie obsessives like myself, due to their inclusion in numerous recent anthologies, editor Guran has done a wonderful job of casting the net wide and including a range of lesser-known, though still quite excellent pieces of short fiction. From modern classics such as Neil Gaiman's 'Bitter Grounds', Scott Edelman's 'The Last Supper' and David J. Schow's 'Obsequy', to rarer gems such as Tim Lebbon's 'Naming of Parts', Alice Sola Kim's 'Beautiful White Bodies', and Gary McMahon's 'Dead to the World', there's truly something here for every reader.

Zombies: The Recent Dead is a must-read for zomfans, and a terrific addition to the genre. 

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Review: Dead Set: A Zombie Anthology

Ed. Michelle McCrary & Joe McKinney, 2010, 23 House Publishing

We were once a race seven billion strong. But today, our world has become a wasteland overrun by the living dead. Rivers of zombies flood the streets. They never rest. They never relent. Their hunger for the living is insatiable. And with every careless mistake we make, their numbers swell.

Dead Set comprises twenty original tales of the zompocalypse, the running order of which loosely charts the event from origin to end. As with many zombie anthologies currently available (apart from a few notable exceptions) the quality of the individual tales is a little mixed. Specifically, a number of offerings felt more like vignettes from some larger work than stories in their own right, lacking the punch of a strong central plot or conclusion; not terrible, by any means, but somewhat unsatisfying.

That said, there were certainly some gems also: 'Biting the Hand that Feeds You' by Calie Voorhis vividly takes the reader into the mind of a 'turning' zombie, as does David Dunwoody's 'Ruminations from the Tri-Omega House'; Joe McKinney's own offering, 'Survivors', deals effectively with the theme of survivors' guilt; 'Recovery' by Boyd E. Harris uncomfortably poses the question of whether the rehabilitation of zombies is necessarily of benefit to anyone; Nate Southard's 'In the Middle of Poplar Street' delivers an original take on the 'man's inhumanity to man' theme; 'Inside Where It's Warm' by Lee Thomas is another emotive tale from (ultimately) the zombie's POV; and Mark Onspaugh's 'Good Neighbour Sam' reminds us that there's still a place for human...oddities...in a world overrun by the living dead.

Overall, Dead Set is an extremely worthwhile anthology, and a fine addition to the genre. Definitely one to add to the home library.

Music: Feral Familiar

With International Zombie Awareness Month well underway, Ace Elliott has alerted us to the following recent musical celebration of the zombie in popular culture. The clip for Enough Blood to Keep 'Em Coming comes courtesy of Andrew Jackson's Feral Familiar. Enjoy!

News: The Australian Speculative Fiction Blog Carnival May 2011

NecroScope is extremely proud to present this month's Australian Speculative Fiction Blog Carnival, an ongoing initiative of the Australian Science Fiction Writers' Association. Zombie-related news from the land down-under was relatively thin this past month, but there were plenty of other developments across the local specfic community...

A great article on the Australian Voice in Fiction

Fangoria Magazine reports on Sydney's 'Night of Horror'.

The ABC report on the death of actor Elisabeth Sladen, who was best-known for playing fan-favourite Doctor Who companion, Sarah-Jane Smith:

...with related postings by various Australian specfic authors who grew up watching Sladen on TV:

Alan Baxter
Jon Blum
Lee Battersby
Chuck McKenzie

Christopher Green's fantastic online serialised zombie novel, Arizona Afterwards just keeps getting better and better. And more and more disturbing...

And still on zombie-related news, Scott Wilson reported that the April issue of The Fringe Magazine is now out, featuring stories by MJ Wesolowski, Darrin Albert, Michael Casey, Kevin Bennett, and Chris Edwards, plus interviews with authors, Madeline Roux and Jessica Shirvington.

And I'd be remiss not to mention the Dymocks Southland Zombie Jamboree, being held on May 28th. Authors Bob Franklin, Kirstyn McDermott and James Phelan will be signing books, while an in-store Zombie Shuffle will be held from 1-2pm, with a prize pack for best-dressed zombie.

Gillian Pollack on Annoying Categorisations in Speculative Fiction.

Tansy Rayner Roberts reports on, well...The Festival of Tansy!

A round-up of Swancon 36 reports by Fablecroft Publishing.

And in sad news for the local specfic publishing community, a veritable flurry of closures...

The closure of Eneit Press was reported back in March. Close upon the heels of this announcement came the following rally-cry from author Mary Victoria, urging folks to support the small-press publisher however they can. Old news, but worth repeating.

This month, Brimstone Press - the publisher behind NecroScope's parent site, HorrorScope - also closed their doors. This report from author Martin Livings. Sadly, the closure has also necessitated the closure of the HorrorScope site, which provided an invaluable resource for fans of dark fiction over the past five years.

And finally, Terra Incognita Speculative Fiction posted its final podcast today. Visit the site to download or stream any of the 30 excellent podcasts available.

In happier news, Talie Helene announced the line-up for the forthcoming The Year's Best Australian Fantasy & Horror, due soon from Ticonderoga Publications.

And the winners of the 2010 Australian Shadows Awards were announced.

As were the winners of this year's Ditmar Awards.

Plus the finalists in this year's Aurealis Awards, the winners of which will be announced on May 21st.

The Emerging Writers’ Festival in Melbourne will be presenting Get Into Genre: SpecFic on May 31st. It’s an opportunity to hear from our speculative fiction writers and industry professionals.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Review: Undead or Alive

2008, Dir. Glasgow Phillips



In the wake of the highly successful (and lucrative) Shaun of the Dead, it appears that the 'zombedy' has become a subgenre in its own right. And, as is so often the case, the majority of available product is pretty dreadful - and not in a good, horror-related way.

Having said that, this straight-to-DVD movie is a rarity, in that it's actually pretty damned good, mixing elements of Romero zombie flicks with those of traditional westerns and absurdist comedy.

As the movie begins, we're informed via captions that the Native-American guerrilla leader Geronimo, prior to his death at the hands of the US cavalry, just happened to lay down a curse upon a certain area of the New Frontier - a curse that would cause the afflicted to hunger after the flesh of their fellows. Pretty grim stuff. Then the captions go on to inform us that the bit where we have to read these captions is nearly over, and the tone of the movie is irrevocably set. Two lads on the lam team up with a Native-American stunna as they attempt to escape a posse of local lawmen while simultaneously chasing down the regiment responsible for the death of Geronimo, who happens to be the uncle of the stunna. Still with me? Now throw some zombies into the mix, and stand back.

The premise doesn't sound especially promising, but there's a lot here to like: the humour, while fairly broad, is surprisingly low-key for a US production, and - brace yourselves - is actually quite funny. There's also fair attention paid to historical accuracy (often in the smallest of details), some decent acting, dialogue and characterisation, plenty of blood for the gorehounds, and even some genuine moments of creepy tension and a couple of scares. And - just in case you needed more - there's some extremely nice cinematography (including a couple of those brilliant sunset shots that are par the course for any decent western), plus eye-candy in the form of James Denton (from Desperate Housewives) for the ladies and Navi Rawal for the lads.

Sure, there are a couple of plot holes you could ride a lynchin' party through, and - as happens in even the best Romero flicks - the zombies seem to alter the 'rules' of their existence to facilitate the needs of the plot/action. But, all in all, this is a really good, funny, gory, enjoyably silly zombedy.

A word of warning, though: as I've suggested, this movie defies quite a few expectations, and this carries right on through to the very end of the movie. I'll say no more. You'll see what I mean. Enjoy!

(Originally posted to HorrorScope, 2008)

Review: Fido

2008, Dir. Andrew Currie, Starring Carrie Anne-Moss, Billy Connolly, Dylan Baker


I’ve mentioned before how, in the wake of Shaun of the Dead, the ‘ZomCom’ seems to have become a subgenre in its own right. On my last visit to the DVD rental store, I found around half-a-dozen on the shelves, all with ‘funnier than Shaun of the Dead’ emblazoned on their covers. In the case of Fido, the description was ‘Shaun of the Dead meets Pleasantville’, which didn’t inspire confidence. Comparisons are odious, particularly in hindsight when the pitch fails to live up to the reality, and I have to say that – having watched recently some particularly bad ‘funnier than Shaun’ ZomComs – I was tempted to give Fido an extremely wide berth.

Well, thank God for cheap Thursday rentals. Because Fido is one of the best movies I’ve ever seen.

I’ll say it again.

This is one of the best movies I’ve ever seen, bar none.

I’d be quite happy to leave it at that, and allow the reader to discover the delights of Fido all by themselves. But on my HorrorScope salary (all the brains I can eat), I’m expected to provide a little more content, so here goes:

In Fido, the zombie uprising has come and gone. Circa 1939 (by my reckoning), the dead rose, were fought and contained, and now (in the late 1950’s) have become a social commodity, fitted with electronic collars that subdue their hunger for human flesh, allowing them to be utilized as a cheap, reliable workforce.

America is still the America of the 50’s that we’ve always known and loved – and yet, it’s not quite the 50’s of Leave it to Beaver and Pleasantville. It’s far more realistic than that, with all of the complications and issues of everyday life. Sure, it’s an era of hats, martinis, Hawaiian shirts and educational films. Less pleasantly, though, it’s also an era of sexism, McCarthyism, governmental conspiracies and emotional constipation. Furthermore, extrapolating social developments following the zombie war, it’s an era in which suburbs are fenced in to keep ‘wild’ zombies out, criminals are banished to the unprotected zones, and old people are secured in prisons. Just in case. Funeral plans (complete with ‘head coffin’) are a mark of social status, and primary school children are taught in class how to shoot zombies through the head (although they’re not allowed to actually own a gun themselves until they turn twelve).

It’s this sort of attention to the details of what is, after all, an ‘alternate history’, that underpin the success of this film. The alternate facets aren’t pushed in our faces – they’re simply there, presented as normal aspects of existence. This also successfully sets up the horror element of the film: the sense of horror in most zombie flicks is generated through the introduction of the unthinkable into the midst of ordinary everyday life. In Fido, the unthinkable has become a part of everyday life, and is all the more unsettling for it. Here, the audience is credited with intelligence, and the pay-off is magnificent.

The plot itself is nothing new – it’s essentially the tale of A Boy And His Dog, with Lassie homages aplenty (right down to the obligatory ‘Go get help, boy!’). Average American Timmy Robinson and his Mom and Dad take on a zombie (Connolly, in an unusually ‘straight’ role) to assist with household chores, and a special bond develops between boy and corpse. Bad things happen, and Timmy embarks upon a quest to save his new best friend. However, what could have been a very ordinary concept is raised well above standard fare by some truly brilliant dialogue, and wonderful performances from all the leads. Nothing is overplayed here. The people populating this reality are real people. There are no good guys or bad guys (perhaps excepting the nasty old bitch who lives across the road). Dad is distant and emotionally-retarded, yet thinks of himself as a good father (on being told that his wife is pregnant, his immediate response is: “On my salary, I don’t think I can afford another funeral”). Mom is a shallow social climber who nonetheless demonstrates her commitment to her family’s best interests. Timmy is a sensitive lad with a great deal of sympathy for zombies, yet, like any ten-year-old, is capable of unthinking acts of selfishness and bigotry. Again, none of this is pushed in our faces – it all comes out through dialogue and body language. And, unusually, very little of the comedy – either situational or dialogue-driven – is obviously played for laughs, which gives the film a rich black quality.

Yes, there are a number of messages presented here – it wouldn’t be a 50’s-style film without them – but, as so often happens in real life, we’re mostly left to figure them out ourselves. The characters don’t experience any sudden epiphanies, and the various less-pleasant issues raised are more often simply acknowledged rather than actually dealt with. As Dad advises Timmy in one wince-inducing father/son chat, “Feeling’s not important. Being alive is what counts”.

If you love zombies, romantic comedies or just really good pithy dialogue, you must see Fido. For once, here’s a ZomCom that is at least as good as Shaun of the Dead. Just different.

(Originally posted to HorrorScope, 2008)

Review: Resident Evil: Extinction

2007, starring Milla Jovovich & Oded Fehr


Following on from the events of Resident Evil: Apocalypse, the T-virus has spread worldwide, drying up the lakes, rivers, and continents while infecting the majority of the population. After five years, almost every living creature has become a zombie, and the world itself is on the verge of extinction. Alice, the Umbrella Corporation's greatest bio organic weapon, is now alone in the desert wastelands of the US after learning that the corporation has the ability to track her location via satellite. She has super-human strength and psychic abilities gained from her imprisonment by Umbrella, and the corporation wants her back…at any cost.

I never dreamed, after the major disappointment that was Resident Evil: Apocalypse, that I would actually enjoy Resident Evil: Extinction. And my dream came true. I didn’t.

Stereotypical characters in stereotypical locations find themselves in stereotypical situations, which they deal with in stereotypical ways whilst spouting stereotypical dialogue. There is absolutely no grounding in reality (how the hell can a virus dry up lakes and rivers?), and the audience are credited with not one iota of intelligence (although perhaps deservedly, as this film did pretty damn well at the Box Office). Boring, derivative crud. Oh, and Mr Romero? If you’re reading this, you might be interested to know that much of the plot involves military and scientific forces skulking in underground installations, experimenting with the possible domestication of zombies –

In a nutshell (if you haven’t guessed already) don’t bother. It’s not even ‘so bad it’s good’ – RE:E is just bad, full stop.

(Originally posted to HorrorScope, 2008)

Review: Plane Dead

2007, Dir. Scott Thomas


Okay, here’s the plot: shady scientist-type experimenting with a virus that can resurrect dead tissue smuggles the infected wife of one of his colleagues onto a fully-booked passenger jet, narrowly evading The Authorities who have gotten wind of his unethical scheme. That done, the scientist-type relaxes, because of course – in the best of horror-movie traditions - nothing can possibly go wrong…

Here’s the thing: I do take my zombies fairly seriously, but I don’t take them too seriously, if you know what I mean. Let’s face it, zombie flicks – by their very nature – don’t often stand up to serious scrutiny. The concept of dead folk running around (okay, okay – shambling around) eating the living doesn’t make a lick of sense, and the very best zombie flicks really only get away with the vast hole in logic either by approaching their monsters from a metaphorical/satirical angle (as in Romero’s films), or by showcasing a level of production and scriptwriting that so captures the viewer that suspension of disbelief is achieved (as in Shaun of the Dead).

In other words, good story, good script, good characters, and a bit of realistic gore doesn’t go astray.

Two out of four is not a particularly good result. The story is promising, in a cheesy kind of way, and the production values aren’t bad either. But the script is, quite frankly, dreadful. And the characters -

Oh, the characters!

Here’s a tip to aspiring horror film makers: if you want to engage the interest of the viewer, if you want to genuinely scare them, you must, must, MUST introduce characters that the audience can actually relate to. You know – ordinary folks, with the range of dreams and aspirations we all share. Further, there should be at least a couple of characters that the audience will actually like – otherwise, who gives a damn whether they get eaten or not? And there goes your suspenseful mood…

Maybe it’s just me, but I couldn’t relate to a single one of the characters (read ‘zombie fodder’) on that plane. From the sports star heading for marital breakup, to the two vacuous partner-swapping couples, to the hero and heroine of the piece (their roles made obvious by the fact they are notably less repellant than their fellow passengers, and share an unspoken attraction), not one skerrick of anything other than 2D clichéd personality or motivation was offered to make these folks seem even vaguely real.

Result? Not a great film. Visually, pretty damn entertaining, though – the scene where the nun gets her legs chewed off was a gem, and possibly tells you more about my tastes than you’d prefer to know. In short, I’d recommend it to anyone, as long as they watch it with the Mute control on.

(Originally posted on HorrorScope, 2008)

Review: The Zombie Diaries

Dir. Michael Bartlett & Kevin Gates, Accent Film Entertainment, 2006


The Zombie Diaries is an independent, low-budget UK movie (just released in Australia on DVD), dealing with the variety of zombie apocalypse beloved by George Romero and his ilk. In this instance, it’s all due to a Bird-Flu-like pandemic that sweeps Asia before hitting England, and the movie is constructed from ‘found footage’ shot on video by three separate groups of people struggling to survive the crisis.

On the one hand, this is a pretty good little film. Even without taking into consideration the budgetary limitations, it’s mostly well-shot, and as tightly-plotted as a ‘constructed’ film can possibly be. The atmosphere is extremely creepy, with a nice sense of growing tension from beginning to end. The acting, too, is reasonably good, aided by some (mostly) natural-sounding dialogue and interesting characters.

On the other hand, having picked out this movie solely because it was an apocalyptic zombie flick (a subgenre I’m unapologetically obsessed by), I was rather disappointed to find that it wasn’t really about zombies at all. Sure, there are zombies in the movie, but the movie isn’t about the zombies themselves; rather, it’s about the behaviours people adopt when faced with extreme situations. Of course, previous zombie movies – such as Dawn of the Dead, etc - deal with similar issues; however, in such movies it's the unique nature of the zombies themselves that drives the action and character development (ie – how would you cope having to destroy a zombie that used to be a family member?), whereas in The Zombie Diaries the undead threat could be interchanged with any other extreme situation (war, disease, natural disaster, etc) to achieve the same dramatic effect. Here, the zombies fade into the background as the plot unfolds, and even the occasional gory zombie-attack moments are rendered ineffectual due to shaky POV camerawork and nighttime shooting.

So, in conclusion, a pretty good horror movie, but not necessarily a good zombie movie. Worth watching.

(Originally posted to HorrorScope, 2008)

Review: Dead Snow

Dir. Tommy Wirkola, 2009 (DVD release 2010, Madman)



Eight medical students heading off to a boozed-up weekend in an isolated Norwegian cabin find themselves under attack by frozen Nazi zombies intent upon recovering stolen gold - which has been conveniently hidden under the cabin. Using only their wits and a stash of surprisingly-lethal ski equipment, the students must fight to escape and to stay alive.

It may astound the couple of you who follow my reviews (Hi Mum!), but I don't actually watch many zombie movies, and this is because I (rather foolishly) have the same expectations of zombie movies as I do of zombie novels; they have to be good. Good plot, good characters, and so on. Which means, of course, that I don't watch many zombie movies, and actually enjoy fewer still.

How amazed was I, therefore, to find Dead Snow one of the most enjoyable zombie flicks I've seen in recent times? Extremely. Because, even in comparison to other B-grade horror movies, the plot makes about as much sense as a dancing can of Spam. Normally I'd expand upon that last comment at great length - but I won't, because I do actually want you to go and watch this movie. Why? Because the whole thing is played so tongue-in-cheek and over-the-top (knowing references to - and cliches from - famous horror flicks are peppered throughout), with excesses in gore and WTF? moments that would leave Peter Jackson green with envy, that even a po-faced stick-in-the-mud like myself was able to completely overlook the shortcomings and thoroughly enjoy the ride, laughing all the way. Ho, ho, ho.

So. Watch it. Love it. It's just plain Fun. And the special effects and (as far as I can tell, for all that I don't speak a word of Norwegian) the acting are pretty decent.

(Originally posted to HorrorScope, 2010)

Review: Outpost

Dir. Steve Barker, 2008


In present-day war-torn Eastern Europe, a group of mercenaries are hired to safely escort their client to a long-forgotten WWII bunker. Amid much talk of Nazi gold, the group quickly locate and unseal the bunker – where they are forced to take refuge after being fired upon from the surrounding forest. Once inside, however, things quickly go from bad to worse. Crumbling film spools reveal details of a Nazi experiment to create super-soldiers. Shadowy figures are glimpsed flitting about the darkened corridors. Ghosts? Zombies? Or some time-bending effect produced by the strange machine being investigated by the client? And then the deaths begin.

This is a terrific little horror film, high on tension and fright, low on SFX (although there’s a fair amount of realistic gore). The script is simple and engrossing, and the acting is simply superb, with each and every character portrayed with gritty realism (no clichéd Hollywood soldiers-of-fortune, here). The greatest compliment I can give this production is that, while watching the DVD in the reassuring comfort of my own home, I actually had to walk out of the room during one particular scene in order to steady my nerves.

This is a definite must-see; one of the better horror flicks I’ve seen in the past few years.

(Originally posted to HorrorScope, 2009)

Review: Pontypool

Dir. Bruce McDonald, 2009



Recently fired from a top-rating gig, the only job shock-jock Grant Mazzey has been able to secure is the early morning show at a tiny radio station in the small, snowbound town of Pontypool. What begins as just another average, crappy day soon turns deadly, however, as sporadic reports begin to come in of crowds of locals developing strange speech patterns and evoking horrendous acts of violence. As the station itself falls under siege, Mazzey fights to stay on-air and keep whatever remains of his audience informed. But what if the broadcast itself, or even the act of speaking, is actually responsible for the transmission of this bizarre illness..?

Adapted from the brilliant novel Pontypool Changes Everything (reviewed here) by Tony Burgess (who also scripted the movie), Pontypool is a highly unsettling thriller that is bound to attract a cult following. The lead actors all turn in wonderful performances; Stephen McHattie in particular is terrific, his rich voice giving credibility to his role as a radio DJ. The single-set location, and the fact that virtually all information on the atrocities occurring outside is imparted via radio and phone only, generates a highly claustrophobic and creepy atmosphere.

One of the minor quibbles I do have with Pontypool is that the skillfully-crafted atmosphere is undermined slightly by a couple of (admittedly necessary) verbal infodumps late in the piece, which serve purely to let the audience know what's really going on. Of course, time restraints preclude the script from addressing such issues as organically and satisfyingly as in the novel; by the same token, we're also denied much of Burgess' wonderful literary imagery, internal dialogue and character backstory that simply wouldn't survive the leap from prose to celluloid. That said, Burgess has cunningly skirted the need for such things by not scripting Pontypool as a literal adaptation of his novel, but rather a 'meanwhile, on the other side of town' sidebar to the existing text, and as such the movie stands extremely well as a stand-alone product.

This is definitely a movie that all fans of dark fare should see. The DVD release is currently available for hire in Australia, and makes perfect - if unsettling -winter viewing.

(Originally posted to HorrorScope, 2010)

Review: Zombie Strippers

2008, dir. Jay Lee, starring Jenna Jameson and Robert Englund


(Disclaimer: this review has been carefully screened for puerile smut by an appointed government censor. Any apparent double-entendres are purely a figment of the reader’s imagination).

When an experimental government re-animation virus gets accidentally released (snort!) into an illegal strip-club, there can be only one result – zombie strippers! And as the first zombified dancer begins to demonstrate a crowd-pulling (hoo!) lack of inhibition in her routines, it’s only a matter of time before the remaining girls begin to think about ‘crossing over’ themselves. Now, if only they could control their urges (fwoar!) to eat (giggle!) the patrons...

Hands up (ooer!) if you thought Zombie Strippers was bound (cor!) to be a juvenile piece (fnarr!) of boobs-out exploitation aimed at sad, sweaty blokes with porn addictions? Well, you’d be right. But it’s also a great deal of fun, simply because it revels in its own trashiness. The plot is ridiculous, the acting way over the top, and the jokes (it’s a comedy, after all) are of truly hospital-grade quality. And yet, it works. There is not the slightest hint that anyone involved in this production is taking things (chortle!) seriously, and this is what makes it so great to watch. It’s laugh-out-loud stupid. Additionally, the horror quotient is actually pretty high, with the sort of gory effects you’d expect from a big (oh, stop!) budget fright-flick. And, believe me, the titillation derived from watching nekkid women strut their stuff (narf!) on the screen wears off very quickly once the girls begin to, well, decompose (and if you don’t agree, then there is obviously something very wrong indeed with you, and you should seek professional help).

In a nut(choke!!)shell, this is an extremely enjoyable comedy, a pretty decent horror movie, and a great entry (!!!!) to the zombie flick subgenre. More like this one, please!

(This review originally posted to HorrorScope, 2009)

Review: Dead Set

Channel 4 UK, 2008, script by Charlie Brooker, dir. Yann Demage


When the dead begin to rise and attack the living, when civilisation begins to crumble, a small number of people remain completely unconcerned. This is understandable, however, as these folks are the last remaining contestants in the UK Big Brother house. Safely cocooned from the outside world, and blissfully ignorant of the impending apocalypse, the BB housemates continue to go about their daily, meaningless routines. Then eviction night arrives...

To begin with a possible spoiler, Dead Set is undoubtedly the most dark and nihilistic outing into zombie-apocalypse territory I've ever seen. It's also one of the very best I've ever seen. Shot on a low budget, the five-episode TV series nonetheless benefits from high production values (including some shockingly realistic SFX). The relatively small cast all turn in wonderful performances guaranteed to make the viewer invest in the fates of the characters they play. Scripting is excellent, and the much-touted satirical element of the series is handled with a surprising amount of subtlety; sadly, I suspect that most Australian viewers won't truly appreciate the cameo roles played by UK BB host Davina McCall and various real-life former housemates.

The true genius of the concept behind this series isn't simply the 'unique' location of the BB household: it's the fact that this location allows scriptwriter Charlie Brooker to take the standard zombie-apocalypse plot - small band of mismatched folk seeking shelter in order to survive - and turn it on its head. Our survivors actually begin their journey in the safest place on earth, and rely for their survival upon their ability to not merely get along with one another, but to transcend the fact that they have all been specifically selected to not get along with one another. To put it another way, these are the sort of people who would already have been eaten in the first reel of any other zombie outing, and there's an horrific fascination in watching the usual banal behaviour of Big Brother housemates play out in a manner that has consequences beyond in-house bitchery.

For fans of horror, zombies, or even just a damn good teledrama, Dead Set is required viewing. The DVD is currently available in Australia from most applicable retailers.

(This review originally posted to HorrorScope, 2008)

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Pop Culture: Zombies for Hire!

Have you ever organised or attended a special event and thought to yourself 'Gee, what this event really needs is a couple of zombies'? Well, now there's an Australian outfit offering exactly such a service!

ZombieHire.com supplies zombies for events - simple as that. Whether you're looking for that unique touch for your wedding or funeral, or just trying to draw customers into your Mexican restaurant, ZombieHire.com can supply heavily-sedated zombies (almost completely guaranteed kiddie-safe) for any promotional occasional you can think of.

The ZombieHire website will be going live on Halloween this year, but you can book services and lodge queries via the ZombieHire FaceBook page in the meantime. Because everything goes better with zombies.

(Reported by J.B.)

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Review: Apocalypse of the Dead

Joe McKinney, 2010, Pinnacle

Two years: that's how long it's been since the hurricanes flooded the Gulf coast, and the dead rose. The cities were quarantined, the infected contained. But now a boatload of refugees has made it out of the quarantine zone - and the horror is unleashed again. As civilisation falls, disparate groups of survivors find themselves converging upon a single refuge, deep in the North Dakota Grasslands. But is this place, run by a self-appointed preacher of fierce conviction, truly the sanctuary it appears..?

A loose sequel to McKinney's excellent Dead City, Apocalypse of the Dead contains all the same elements that made the former title such a brilliant read. The plot canters along at great pace, and - while certainly 'ticking the box' on many familiar zompocalyptic themes and tropes - remains fresh and engrossing thanks to a cast of unique characters and McKinney's focus upon issues and elements previously only touched upon in previous zompocalyptic fiction.

In short, Apocalypse of the Dead is a great addition to the genre: familiar enough to please those readers who prefer not to reach too far beyond the Romero template, sufficiently inventive and original for those who look for something new. A very satisfying read indeed.

Monday, May 2, 2011

News: International Zombie Awareness Month at Dymocks Southland

When: May 10 – 31, 2011

Where: Dymocks Southland, Shop 3067/8, Westfield Shopping Centre, Cheltenham, VIC, Australia 3192
Tel: 03 9584-1245

Dymocks Southland will be running its second annual International Zombie Awareness Month promotion during the month of May, with great deals on a huge range of zombie-related books, giveaways, prize draws, and even a ‘zombie shuffle’!

Deal #1: Purchase any three zombie-themed books or graphic novels (including paid pre-orders), and receive a FREE copy of David Moody’s Dog Blood (valued at $27.95) only while stocks last.

Deal #2: Purchase any four zombie books, receive a free copy of Dog Blood, and enter the draw to win a fantastic prize-pack, thanks to our friends at NecroScope (details below).

Plus...

Sat 14th May: Join us for a group signing of exciting authors from LegumeMan Books – specialists in ‘extreme horror fiction’. Featuring Brett McBean, R. Frederick Hamilton, Andrew Gallacher, Matthew Revert and Steve Gerlach. 12 noon - 1pm.

Sat 28th May: The Dymocks Southland ‘Zombie Jamboree’, featuring:

11am – 12 noon: Local horror authors - and winners of this year's Australian Shadows awards - Kirstyn McDermott (Madigan Mine) and Bob Franklin (Under Stones), signing copies of their books. Be afraid!

12 – 1pm: Bestselling novelist James Phelan will be signing copies of his YA zombie novel Alone #1: Chasers (and his adult thriller books!). Pre-order Alone #2: Survivor, and James will personalise your copy when it’s released on June 30th! PLUS you’ll go into the draw to win a personalised, one-off, bound manuscript of an Alone short story, AND have a character named after YOU in James’ upcoming, top-secret, thirteen–book series due from Scholastic in 2012! (Winner drawn upon release of Alone #2, and notified by phone).

1 – 2pm: Zombie Shuffle! Turn up to Dymocks Southland in full zombie costume for your chance to win a magnificent The Walking Dead prize-pack (details below), thanks to our friends at Madman Entertainment. Best costume wins, prizewinner announced 2pm.

Dymocks Southland: where zombies are just a way of life...


NecroScope prize pack comprises:
- Feed poster, autographed by Mira Grant
- Dead Earth: The Vengeance Road by David T. Wilbanks & Mark Justice
- Virus by Sarah Langan
- Nekropolis by Tim Waggoner
- After the World: Gravesend by Jason Fischer
- Zombie Flesh Eaters DVD
- The Zombie Diaries DVD
- Jelly Brains jelly mould (Mmm! Braiiiiiiiiins!)
- Genuine Vodou good-luck charm (disclaimer: not effective against genuine zombies)
(Winner drawn at close of business May 31st, and notified by phone).

The Walking Dead prize pack comprises:
- The Walking Dead baseball cap
- The Walking Dead tote bag
- Issue #1 of The Walking Dead: Days Gone Bye
- Madman Entertainment t-shirt
- Xombies: Apocalypse Blues by Walter Greatshell
- Generation Dead by Daniel Waters
- Dead Set DVD
- Grace DVD
- Biomega #1 manga comic

News: Dymocks Southland Bestselling Zombie Titles for April 2011

1. Feed - Mira Grant
2. Pride & Prejudice & Zombies: Dreadfully Ever After - Steve Hockensmith
3. Dead City - Joe McKinney
4. The Zombie Survival Guide - Max Brooks
5. Pet Sematary - Stephen King
6. Rot & Ruin - Jonathan Maberry
7. Pontypool Changes Everything - Tony Burgess
8. World War Z - Max Brooks
9. Pride & Prejudice & Zombies - Austen / Graeme-Smith
10. The Zombies of Lake Woebegotten - Harrison Geillor

New arrivals in-store include the UK edition of Breathers (S.G. Browne), Zombies: The Recent Dead (ed. Paula Guran), and The Complete History of The Return of the Living Dead (Christian Sellers / Gary Smart).

Thursday, April 28, 2011

News: 'Breathers' Hits Australian Bookshops

One of the major disadvantages of living in Australia - aside from the apocalyptic weather and deadly wildlife - is the fact that relatively little of the great wealth of zomfic published overseas gets picked up by local distributors; or, if it does, it arrives here months (or even years) after its UK or US release. A bit like the First Fleet, in that respect. For every local release of a major title like Feed, Patient Zero or Dead City, there's a dozen equally-laudable titles, like Pontypool Changes Everything or Eden, that simply aren't made available to Aussie readers who still prefer the experience of visiting a physical bookstore*. And that just ain't right. So it's always a cause for celebration when a zombie novel deserving of wider readership finally makes it to our shores.

To whit, today marks the official release of S. G. Browne's Breathers by Hachette Australia, in the handsome UK edition. Why are we at NecroScope so damn excited about this? Because Breathers is - in our opinion - still one of the very best zombie novels of the past few years, hitherto only available direct from the US. So: we're urging all serious Australian zomfic fans to run out and purchase a copy right now from their local bookstore. And if your local bookstore doesn't stock Breathers, demand they order it!

* So you'd think at least one Australian bookstore would wise up and make the effort to actually stock some of these hard-to-get zombie titles. Oh, wait...)

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Fiction: The Mark of His Hands

Today being Easter Sunday, it seemed only right to offer up the following tale, just to set the appropriate mood. 'The Mark of His Hands' was first published back in 2003, in Orb Speculative Fiction, and comes to you courtesy of your very own NecroKeeper, Chuck McKenzie. So, sit back, ease up on the chocolate, and - if you're so inclined - Pray Not to Wake, Should the Lord Your Soul First Take...

The Mark of His Hands

Call it a confession, if you like…

   We brought the capsule down among the hills three kilometres south-west of the Antonia Fortress, and immediately scanned the surrounding area for signs of incursion. For obvious reasons, Church had suspected this event would be an ideal target for extremists, but – much to our relief - we detected no anachronisms. Fulci and I donned our costumes, cloaked the capsule, and set out for the city.
   Long before we reached the Jaffa Gate, we found ourselves caught up in an ever-growing throng of locals heading in the same direction, and ended up being virtually herded towards the marketplace as we entered the city. It was fortunate, then, that our secondary objective was to document that area; our primary objective being to observe the entombment itself, and whatever might occur afterwards.
   You are surprised, of course, that Church would sanction such an operation. In the event we might disprove the story once and for all, what would happen to the faith upon which Church is founded? I myself had no such qualms; a Christian, yes, but a believer only in the historical facts of the event. My role on this expedition was as doctor and historian, Fulci’s job being to verify the actuality – if any – of divine activity at this event, and good luck to him. We live in an age where most, like myself, take the stories not as truth but as parables, examples of the great things achievable through adherence to the moral codes He set down for us. To disprove the story would not be as devastating a revelation as one might expect, as Church well knew.
   And besides, were the event to be shown to be fact… Ah! What that would mean!
   The Sepulchre of Joseph lay half a kilometre back the way we had come, but He would not be taken there for many hours yet, giving us plenty of time to explore the marketplace, which had been hitherto undocumented. Our recordings would add valuable information to the existing files, giving Church a more complete picture of what had occurred in the city on this day.
   And so we activated our nanocorders, and entered the market.
   Those who have never Jumped can scarce imagine the shock of immersing oneself in the culture of another era. For us, it was not merely the experience of unfamiliar surroundings; the immersions prepare you for that. What they don’t prepare you for is the sensory overload that comes with the reality of being in another place and time. The very air smelt different - tasted different - as long-extinct species of plant and animal were boiled for broth. Peoples’ skins had an odd texture. Clothes comprised strange fabrics, textures and colours. Strange languages, some of them perhaps never recorded for future study, assailed our ears. There was the sound of braying animals, sandals against stone, wind whistling through pre-Biblical architecture. The experience could not be any stranger, I would imagine, had the capsule deposited us upon some alien world a billion light-years from Earth.
   But we were professionals, and strolled through the market acting as though this were a common experience for us. Less-experienced agents might have preferred to operate cloaked, but Fulci and I knew the best recordings came through interaction with the locals. And so we moved from stall to stall, chatting to vendors in the local dialect, never buying, politely rejecting the spruikers.
   We had been there perhaps an hour, when Fulci nudged me pointedly. “Hey Savini, look – we seem to have caught somebody’s attention. Over there.” He nodded surreptitiously.
   Without turning my head, I glanced in the direction indicated. Piercing brown eyes glared back at me from an ebony countenance, heavily lined by weather and age; teeth bared in a savage grin; thin, with painfully-hunched shoulders. “The Negro in the tan tunic?”
   “That’s him. Giving us a good looking-over. Why so interested, I wonder?”
   “A pickpocket, perhaps? Sizing us up?”
   Fulci frowned. “Something almost … malevolent about the way he regards us.”
   I sighed inwardly. Seeing demons in the shadows already. “Unpleasant, I grant you, but - ah, he’s realised we’ve seen him. Look, there he goes …”
   Fulci nodded slowly. “Yes. Off to find an easier mark, no doubt.” He did not sound convinced.
   We wandered around for another hour or so, running a casual commentary between ourselves for the benefit of the ‘corders. Occasionally, news runners would jostle their way through the crowds, shouting the progress of the Event. Surprisingly few people seemed to take an interest – surprising only from our retrospective point-of-view, I suppose - but with each report a few would amble off in the direction of the city gates.
   By noon, we felt that we had exhausted the possibilities of the market. The entombment was still several hours away, but there was no harm in getting there early. We were making our way back to the gate, when Fulci grabbed my arm and hissed, “He’s back!”
   Startled, I looked around and caught sight of a black face flanking us from a few metres away, staring intently.
   “There’s something wrong about him.” Fulci’s face was troubled. “I can feel it. Can’t you?”
   I peered at the Negro again. “Well, not wrong - but now that you mention it, he’s obviously no pickpocket. Look at the quality of his clothes. Besides, a good pickpocket wouldn’t make his attentions so obvious, and a bad pickpocket wouldn’t live past the age of ten around here. A slave, then. Or a freedman, more likely.”
   “Still doesn’t explain his interest in us.” Fulci shot me a look. “Perhaps he noticed something in our behaviour that marks us as … anachronistic?”
   A chill ran down my back. “An enemy agent? You’re getting paranoid.”
   Fulci didn’t reply, but as we passed through the gate he drew me swiftly aside, and we watched as the Negro passed us by, vanishing amongst the stream of pedestrians heading towards Golgotha.
   Relief flooded over me. “There you go - an agent wouldn’t have allowed us to lose him so easily.” I was beginning to feel angry now, ashamed at how completely I’d allowed my imagination to run wild.
   Fulci was still staring towards Golgotha. “We need to follow him.”
   “What?” I looked at him incredulously. “Fulci, we don’t have time -”
   “We have plenty of time. Anyway, what if you’re wrong about the Negro? You know the rules.”
   “This is pointless! The scan -” I stopped. Absence of anachronistic technology didn’t guarantee an incursion-free zone. Enemy agents wouldn’t need a staser to ensure the fall of western civilisation; a locally-made blade between the ribs before He reached Golgotha would be just as effective. Of course, to assassinate Him at this point in the day would have virtually no impact upon futurity, given that He was only hours from death anyway. But the rules were very clear; any suspicion of incursion, no matter how slight, must be investigated.
   And so we walked to Golgotha.
   There was a fair crowd gathered when we reached the site, mostly camped out upon rugs, looking for all the world like picnickers on a Sunday outing. On the outskirts, people stood in huddled groups, socialising casually. A few solitary souls gazed at the spectacle below; faithful followers, no doubt, come to witness the death of their leader. Soldiers paced back and forth through the crowd, hands upon their hilts, alert for trouble. And in the centre of all this…
   I had seen the excellent Romero-Coscarelli recordings, of course – indeed, like ourselves, those two would currently be mingling with the crowd at very moment – but nothing could compare to seeing it with my own eyes;
   He hung limply from the crucifix, His face blank and drooling. The agony must have shattered His mind long before we arrived. Massive, wrought-iron pegs had been driven through His wrists, transfixing Him to the patibulum of the crucifix. The crown of thorns had lacerated His temples as effectively as the scourging had lacerated His back. Flies swarmed over Him, His body black with dried blood.
   Below Him, on the edge of the crowd, a woman and a boy clung to one another, united in anguish. Mary and John. At His feet, soldiers played dice in the dust. Above their heads, the titulus; unreadable from where we stood, but I knew the words by heart.
   Jesus of Nazareth, King of the Jews.
   Tears stung my eyes. Can you imagine having to witness such an atrocity, knowing His suffering was necessary to forge the world we take for granted? With our technology, we might have prevented this - and to even think such a thing, the insanity of it, brought me out in a cold sweat…
   Fulci was weeping like a child, no doubt for different reasons than I. What was he thinking? That he gazed upon the personification of his God? That to witness this event somehow brought him closer to the Almighty? The thought irritated me immensely. Brushing my eyes dry with my sleeve, I glanced around the site until I found what I was searching for. “There!” I pointed. “Do you see?”
   Fulci blinked away his tears and looked. At the back of the crowd, off to the far left of the site, some enterprising food-vendors had pitched their tents, and in the shadow of one of the nearer stalls stood the Negro, speaking animatedly with one of the soldiers. The soldier, armed with a long spear, was nodding slowly, which seemed to please the Negro greatly. With one hand he rummaged under his tunic, producing a small bottle. With the other hand he held out a small cloth bag, hefting it invitingly. From the way its contents shifted, I guessed it to be full of coins. The soldier smiled, took the bag, then stepped back a few paces and lowered his spear, pointing it towards the Negro’s feet. The Negro grinned, squatted down, and slowly drew the palm of his hand across the bladed edge of the spear, coating the metal in blood. Without bothering to bind the wound, he then unstoppered the bottle and poured its liquid contents over the tip of the spear. The soldier watched the procedure with a blank look on his face; no doubt there were stranger sights to be seen elsewhere in the empire. Apparently finished, the Negro tucked the bottle back under his tunic, bowed to the soldier, and slipped away into the shadows.
   Fulci stepped forward, obviously intending pursuit, but I stopped him. “Wait! Look!”
   The soldier stood for a moment, gazing bemusedly at the tip of his spear. Then he raised the weapon, and walked towards the crucifixes. Reaching the foot of His cross, the soldier exchanged a few words with the attendant guard, who stood back, nodding agreeably. The soldier carefully positioned himself beneath the cross, braced himself, then stabbed upwards with his spear.
   There was a half-hearted cheer of approval from the section of the crowd nearest the action. Further back, somebody cried out as if in pain. Fulci shuddered.
   There was no reaction from Him. Comatose, He had not even felt the wound that would hasten His death.
   The pre-chrono historians had got it wrong, of course; they weren’t supposed to have speared Him until after he died, as Romero and Coscarelli had gleefully pointed out. But now, a further development: “Interesting,” I said. “Looks like the Negro bribed the soldier to administer some sort of poison – though the whole thing had the look of a spell, didn’t it? Blood and potions.” I turned to regard Fulci. “Which, I submit, proves the Negro is just some pagan local, not an enemy agent.”
   Fulci’s expression was sullen. “Possibly. But we should still follow him. There’s something evil going on here…”
   And suddenly, I understood.
   I have never believed in Good and Evil, except as philosophical concepts, but Fulci certainly did. And far from believing the Negro to be an enemy agent, he had obviously raised the idea purely to justify following an individual he believed to be supernaturally malign. And in doing that, he had landed a ringside view of the crucifixion – a diversion from our schedule that Church would never have condoned, had we not had the ‘excuse’ of surveilling a possible enemy agent.
  My face burning with anger, I grasped Fulci’s wrist as hard as I could, and was gratified to see his face blanch in pain. “When this operation is concluded,” I hissed, “my official report will include a recommendation that you be submitted for disciplinary action!” Fulci opened his mouth to protest, but I cut him off. “Until then, we will adhere exactly to the mission schedule, and if you so much as suggest another deviation…” I left the threat hanging. In truth, I could not think of anything sufficiently terrible to threaten him with. “Is that understood?”
   Fulci nodded tightly.
   There was nothing more to say on the matter, so we turned and began walking north-west towards the Sepulchre of Joseph.
   Soon after, darkness fell briefly in the middle of the afternoon. We stopped, bowing our heads, until the sun appeared again in the sky. Oddly, I felt nothing. Out of sight, out of mind. I did not look at Fulci to see his reaction.
   By the time we arrived, there were already a couple of guards posted – locals rather than soldiers, probably sent by the Pharisees – so we were obliged to cloak in order to enter the sepulchre. For some reason, one tends to think of His tomb as little more than a cave, but the interior was surprisingly spacious; perhaps ten by ten metres, with a beautifully-carved sarcophagus resting upon a block of stone in the centre. We inspected the tomb for a while, for the benefit of the ‘corders, then sat down on the clean-swept floor in the furthermost corner and waited. After what seemed an eternity, we heard the sound of wailing and crying in the distance, growing slowly closer. Eventually, with the sounds of mourning right outside the tomb, two burly men entered carrying a body in a linen shroud. With obvious haste, they laid out the body inside the sarcophagus and left, pausing only to spit upon the floor. Moments later there with a great grinding sound, and the light vanished.
   We waited for a while, then stood up, de-cloaked and activated our IR implants. Moving over to the body, I proceeded to tear the shroud open along the seam. The stench of preservative spices filled the tomb. Fulci gagged.
   “Are you ready to do this?” I asked.
   He nodded unenthusiastically.
   “Okay, then.” I cleared my throat. “Subject is male. Thirty-five years old. Medium build. Approximately one-hundred and eighty centimetres tall.” I pulled my medscan from the pouch at my belt, activated it, and held it over the body. He was definitely deceased, with no sign of pulse or respiration, and livor mortis had already begun to set in. Cause of death was orthostatic collapse; renal failure due to shock and constriction of the heart by fluid in the pericardium. Blood loss due to multiple lacerations had also contributed. Not to mention… I moved the ‘scan to cover the single, deep stab wound under the left-hand ribcage. “Hah.”
   “What?” I could hear the tremor in Fulci’s voice. No doubt he objected to me treating His body so irreverently, and I derived a certain mean pleasure from that.
   “That stuff the Negro put on the blade. Weird concoction. Puffer-fish venom, belladonna, a few herbal extracts. Highly narcotic, likely to induce psychotic delirium, slow respiration and heartbeat. Not very effective as a poison, but in His weakened state I suppose -” I glanced at the ‘scan again. “Ah. Hematohidrosis. Ruptured blood vessels in his sweat glands.” I gave Fulci a look. “Makes it look as though he was sweating blood prior to death.”
   Fulci nodded bleakly. Another mystery solved, for what it was worth.
   “Nothing else unusual,” I continued. “Healthy, for the age he lived in. And we already know what his last meal comprised -”
   “Sh!” Fulci interrupted. “What was that?”
   We stood motionless in the dark, listening.
   “There!”
   The sound of grinding stone, accompanied by the grunt of human exertion.
   “Cloak!” whispered Fulci, and I followed his lead as the stone rolled aside. Of course, I had expected this intrusion - after all, if He had not risen from the dead, then somebody must have taken the body – but I was surprised to find it occurring so soon. Another of my pre-conceptions, that the body had vanished on the third day. The report of the holy women three days hence would obviously result from sheer hysteria over the theft, rather than from anything they might actually see.
    There was a pause. Then, the jingle of coins, instantly explaining how the grave-robber had managed to get past the guards. And they, no doubt, would support the tale of resurrection as a means of hiding their involvement in the crime.
   A figure appeared at the tomb entrance, face illuminated by the light of a flaming torch, and I felt Fulci stiffen beside me.
   It was the Negro.
   He walked confidently into the tomb, torch raised high to illuminate the interior. Then he noticed the open shroud and stopped dead in his tracks, peering around suspiciously. He seemed to pause as his gaze swept over us – impossible, of course, as we were completely invisible – and I chided myself for an overactive imagination. And yet, for a moment, it truly seemed that his gaze met mine. I blinked, and this seemed to break the spell.
   Muttering to himself, the Negro moved over to the sarcophagus and examined the body intently, pulling the eyelids open to inspect the sightless orbs. Apparently satisfied by what he saw, he reached beneath his tunic and withdrew a small leather pouch, tied with a drawstring. Stepping back, he squatted down on his haunches, pulled the bag open, and tipped the contents out onto the floor; tiny bones – chicken bones, perhaps – which the Negro began to arrange into a small circle. That done, he produced a piece of chalk, and began to draw something within the circle. It took me a moment to recognise the design.
   A pentagram.
   Immediately sensing what Fulci’s reaction would be – to rush forward and destroy the offending scrawl with his sandal - I put out an arm to hold him back. The Negro turned slightly, as though aware of movement behind him, grinned, and resumed his ceremony. We watched as he dug a palmful of yellow powder from a pouch at his waist, sprinkling it over the pentagram, then touched his torch to the circle. The powder began to smoke, a musty odour filling the room, and my head seemed to spin. Clearly the powder had narcotic properties.
   The Negro began to chant, a weird rhythmic babble that rose and fell in pitch and volume. And suddenly I felt a chill. Not a physical chill, but the feeling of something fundamentally wrong. Even as I berated myself for such foolishness, an unreasoning horror gripped me, and with it, a sudden dread certainty that we had been chosen as players in this obscene ritual, lured in by our misdirected suspicion of the Negro – for what dark purpose?
   Numbed by fear, I was only vaguely aware of the chanting reaching a crescendo as the Negro produced a handful of crimson powder from another pouch, and flung it into the smoking circle. There was a flash of violet flame, and the torch was suddenly extinguished.
   At the same instant, my implant crashed. I spun around, groping blindly in the dark.
   What occurred next –
   Well, let me tell it as I remember.
   As the powder ignited, the shadows in the tomb leapt and twisted, making the body in the sarcophagus appear to writhe with unholy life. Disoriented by the sudden darkness that followed, I sought Fulci’s arm, and heard a malicious cackling, followed by a scuttling sound. Somebody gasped loudly; Fulci, I assumed - although later I would think how it had sounded not so much like a gasp of shock, more a desperate sucking of breath into lungs bereft of oxygen. Then, the tearing of fabric, and the thud of unshod feet hitting the floor. The Negro shouted something from the entrance.
   I had a sudden sense of someone passing in front of me. And there was an odour; nothing I could identify exactly, although I was instantly reminded of the smell of old leaf-litter. Again, a chill. Physical, this time, as though a refrigerator door had opened before me. The hairs on the back of my neck prickled. Something wrong.
   And then, something in the darkness beside me hissed.
   At that, Fulci shrieked. Briefly. Choked into silence. Something heavy fell against me, knocking me to the floor. I lay there, hugging myself in terror. From outside the tomb, the sound of raised voices, frightened and querulous. Another shout from the Negro.
   Slow, listless footsteps shuffled past my head towards the entrance. The chill and the smell receded. Somebody outside screamed in fright, and I heard the sound of running feet vanishing into the distance.
   A few seconds later, my implant came back online…
  
And so, thirty years on, here I am. Comfortable, I grant you, my every desire attended to, bar one. Freedom. But I understand. Church cannot take a chance upon my silence. If the full truth of this matter were ever revealed -
   As I say, I am well looked-after, although I feel sure the subject matter of the reading material I request – which is always unquestioningly delivered – must raise eyebrows; Haitian history and culture, with particular focus upon the practice of so-called ‘zombification’. I don’t know quite what I am looking for; perhaps an indication that this practice can in some way be reconciled with God’s great design. But the information in these documents is of little assistance, invariably describing a process by which the living attain the appearance of the dead, held in thrall to evil masters via administration of noxious compounds.
   But He was dead.
   And being dead … cannot die?
   When I watch omnet, images beamed in from across the globe, I find myself examining the faces. A cast of millions. And always I concentrate, searching desperately for a single visage that I hope, paradoxically, I shall never see…
   I will die here, quite soon I think. And surely then I will find peace. If there is a God – and surely, if such supernatural evil can exist, then so, I feel, must the Almighty – surely He, in his infinite mercy, will allow me to forget -
   - the expression on Fulci’s dead face, lying beside me as my implant came back online. The marks around his neck.
   The mark of His hands.

END

(Artwork copyright Daryl Lindquist)

Friday, April 22, 2011

Review: Allison Hewitt is Trapped

Madeleine Roux, 2011, Hachette

'They are coming and I don't think we will ever get out. If you're reading this, please call the police. Call them now. I can't promise we will be here tomorrow or the day after, or the day after that, but tell them to rescue us before it's too late. Tell them to try. If they ask for a name, tell them my name is Allison Hewitt...'

So writes Allison in her blog, as the walking dead close in. There's a great deal to like about Allison Hewitt is Trapped; the plot, despite comprising many standard zompocalyptic themes and situations, rises above the 'same old' due to its unflagging energy and momentum. The central protagonists, and particularly the character of Allison herself, are depicted with discomforting realism; fallible, damaged, and as capable of truly dreadful acts as of selfless ones. Overall, this is a great read, and a worthy addition to any zomfan's personal library.

That said, however, I do have one fairly major criticism of the novel:

'Diarised' zompocalyptic novels are quite common within the genre, and for good reason: the individual entries, describing snippets of recent action on an ongoing basis, give such tales an immediacy that puts the reader right in the thick of that action. Furthermore, with the 'author' in such cases relating the tale on (generally) a daily basis, rather than writing up the entire manuscript upon completion of the adventure (and therefore obviously having survived that adventure) there's never any guarantee that the author will actually survive from one entry to the next, which creates and maintains a pleasing level of tension. This certainly should have been the case with Allison Hewitt is Trapped. Unfortunately, the novel is prefaced by a letter - addressed to a publisher collecting biographical essays by famous public figures from the time of the zombie uprising - that essentially acts as a massive spoiler on that count. To add insult to injury, the letter (along with the 'answering' letter at the conclusion of the book) is of the 'as you know, Bob...' variety, explaining at length certain information that the recipient of the letter would apparently already know. It's a clumsy, unnecessary piece of writing that undermines the whole novel to some degree, and may actually discourage particularly impatient readers from reading on - a tragedy, since the letter is in no way representative of the quality of the remaining novel.

My advice regarding Allison Hewitt is Trapped, then, is this: Read it, absolutely. It's a great book. But bypass the preface and endpiece entirely, or at least leave them until after you've finished the novel itself.

Monday, April 18, 2011

Review: Z is for Zombie: An Illustrated Guide to the End of the World

Adam-Troy Castro, illus. Johnny Atomic, 2011, HarperCollins

A is for Apocalypse,
B is for Buried,
C is for Cannibalistic...

Well, you get the idea. Z is for Zombie is an extremely fun read that plots the entire course of the zompocalypse from, well, A to Z, with each entry followed by a detailed explanation (delivered tongue-firmly-in-rotting-cheek) of the applicable word or phrase, and bleakly illustrated in suitably gory colour.

O is for Omigod Omigod Oh Jesus Get it Off Me Get it Off Get it...Aaaarrrrgggh

See? Fun and informative, if not necessarily inspiring. My personal favourite?

J is for Just a Few Random Survivors: [...] it would be genuinely convenient if the folks you found yourself trapped with were an elite and heavily armed paramilitary force [...] But random choice dictates that you will spend your last days fighting alongside a mobile phone salesman, a zither player, a sommelier, and a guy who knows the world is ending but still can't talk about anything but his favourite episode of Star Trek. Try not to be bitter. They're probably just as upset to be stuck with you.

Z is for Zombie is a great addition to any zombie survivalist's bookshelf; hey, when the end comes, at least you'll go out chuckling...